(Originally posted on November 15, 2016.)
That quote is a note from a yoga teacher, mentor, studio owner and human being.
I honestly cannot recall where I heard this quote. I believe it was either said by Baron or Allie, possibly both. It is something that has stuck with me recently. It landed because I was like, whoa--yes, that is how I feel! Recently, there has not been a day in which I have not felt that I love my work while at the same time feeling extremely alone. I feel uplifted and inspired by each person who comes to the studio, lands on their mat, ready to pour their heart and soul into their practice. It is usually only a few hours later that I feel angry and like a failure because someone is unhappy with decisions that I have made. I am frustrated because "they do not get it, they do not understand." Then I sit, meditate and clear my head, which leaves me feeling calm and empty. Soon after, I feel sad, disappointed, and often in tears because I have just received the daily (yes, daily) phone call, text message, or email that someone can no longer do what they said they would do or they are having issues around the commitments they have made. This usually leads me to reach out to a mentor or friend to get some coaching on what is obviously happening--I am taking it personally. That my story of "no one likes me and everyone will leave me" is rearing its ugly head. That the people I love are simply also in a place of frustration and fear. I am reminded of what a powerful community and family we have and am filled with the feelings of "being taken care of." 20 minutes later, things are awesome gain and I am proud to be "in the work." I am ready to teach my second class of the day--until no one shows up to take it! Now failure sets in again and fear around what the future will hold. This spurs me to get on my mat and practice, which I do. If I am lucky, I get to take a class from one of my awesome instructors, next to my amazing community. 10-15 minutes into class and in a full sweat, the feelings of love and gratitude overwhelm me. When I finally arrive at home, often after a 12+ hour day, I lay in bed with my journal and realize how lucky I am. That yes, I am a teacher, mentor, and studio owner but I am also a person. I am a person who doubts herself, feels angry and frustrated, feels alone and makes mistakes. But I am also a person who is unafraid to share that with everyone. I am a person who loves powerfully and shares generously, who realizes that if I did not feel all the sadness and disappointment I would also not be able to feel all the joy, love, and gratitude. I am no different than any other person in that we all feel the same, we just all have different stories that lead to those feelings. Do I have it all together? Hell no! Is the work never easy but always worth it? HELL YES!