I visited with a friend yesterday who I have only met 3 times. That is the beauty of this Baptiste practice, once you meet someone in the “family” you are part of their life forever. We knew each other from program attendance and we chatted briefly before and after the class she took of mine and her words left me with something. She said that in one on one conversation, she had an experience of me that she could not wait to hear more of. She asked me to bring that out of the shadows and into my teaching and everyday life. She commented that at program I was so lit up that the world needs to see that.
I already knew this, but have felt stuck for a long time. Why do I still hide? What am I withholding? When I am away at program it is clear that it is a safe place, I can say and do what I need and I will be supported without question. I can make mistakes. I can fuck up big time and say the “wrong” thing. I can cry and tremble. Coming back out into the world the fear sets back in. My dear friend lit a fire in me this past weekend and I am committed to giving that up. I have always wanted to write and I feel that in print my words come more easily, so my new commitment is to write every day and share every day.
Today I share – I am scared as hell. I am so scared of letting people down. Of not doing the right thing. That I have taken on too much responsibility. That people will see that I have not figured it all out. That when they see that they will leave and look elsewhere for leadership and guidance. That when people around me fail it is a direct reflection of me failing. AND, in this fear I will still do exactly what I am doing and now more!