To quit - to stop, cease or discontinue; to depart from; to give up. Pretty simple definitions and something I needed to look up as I keep asking myself "why do I keep doing this?"  Yes, I imagine what my life would be like not working 7 days a week, not being on call all the time, not feeling like a failure every time someone else quits. I think about quitting every time I check my phone and get a message "we need to talk".  I hesitate to check my email, waiting for the next message of "when can we meet' or not getting the email(s) I have been waiting on so that I can do my job and move on with a project. I feel like deadlines never get met and that no one listens. I feel like I am in the trenches alone. I feel like, why bother when no one else cares?

And, here is the thing.  When you are committed to this work, quitting is not a choice available to you. That's right, when you are up to something bigger than yourself and have decided to make your life about being for others and creating space to share what your passionate about, you stay in the work and you do the work, quitting is not on the table.  It is in the moment of quitting, the pose, the job, the friendship, the marriage, that you discover something new. It is not until what you are doing feels overwhelmingly threatening that you know that you are getting the work done. Being up to something bigger does not feel good, it feels threatening and scary because it is a risk.  A risk I am not willing to quit. So, do I quit? Do I cease, stop, discontinue, give up, and depart from this work, my supporting community and friends, and life that has brought me so much love and joy - HELL NO! I dig deeper and move through it so that I am stronger the next time I want to quit - which will be any minute now :)

 

Comment