Two nights ago I had made plans that I thought I was very excited about. It was something that I kept saying that I wanted to do and finally my timing lined up and I was "free" to go. A few hours before I was to leave, I had this dread in the pit of my stomach. I felt myself getting upset. My mood shifted. It was right then and there that I got clear in that I did not want to go to this thing at all. I felt like I should go and in going it would make me look good and feel important. And if I did not go I might miss out on something. All of this very different from going in with a real intention to be present, make a connection and participate with my whole heart.
Getting clear on what I really want is coming up for me daily right now. I am finding that I can do a lot of things. I am skilled at a lot of things. And there are possibilities all around me. With that, I have to make choices, and I can choose to do what my ego and my inner critic says I should do or I can get really real with myself and be honest. I cannot do them all! I must give up the things I am attached to simple because I think they will make me look good or "be important" if I participate. This one is difficult for me as I spent so much of my life saying yes to everything and doing it all so it could be on a list somewhere as something accomplished. That I was involved. That I did not miss out! Lets get real, this is what it is about. How often are we saying yes simply because we fear getting left behind if we do not. We fear missing out on an opportunity and the what ifs. The big FOMO of life.
Right now my attention is on the short list and off the long list. What is my long game and what do I need to do right now to make it happen.